Jan. 7th, 2013

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So, my 20 year reunion took place while I was in NOLA, and once again, things did not turn out like I expected. Which, I should have expected. I had been innudated with horror stories about other's reunions, and how all the bullies were still bullies and so on and so forth. Here's the thing - Franklin was not a regular high school. It was/is exclusively for gifted students. Not bright, not above average - gifted. Our football team was hopelessly outclassed, but we had fencing. Our chess team was nationally competitive, as were our quiz bowl and science fair winners (A girl in my class discovered a new polymer. As a sophmore.) TWO people in my class got perfect scores on the ACT test, which led me to describe my own 95th percentile score as OK (because I only got a perfect score in 2 of 4 sections and tanked one of them with a mere 70th percentile score.)

I was deeply divided about going at all. 2 neurosurgeons, a bunch of doctors, a bunch of lawyers, several professors and assorted other brainiac types (forensic computer analyst for the FBI, LEEDS engineer, etc.) I seriously felt inadequate. I'm a housewife. A deranged housewife at that. I'm a terrible housekeeper, I make bad decisions all the time, and I have certainly not lived up to my supposed potential by any sort of monetary measure. Not to mention the bad break ups, I had my first BIG love (ended badly) and my BEST friend (ended badly) in my graduating class.

And then I realized something amazing. Those people hurt me 16 and 17 YEARS AGO. I remember the details the way you remember the plot of an especially good story. And I can't say that I'm 100% blameless in either scenario - but I'm far enough away that I could offer an apology for whatever crazy shit I did in exchange for a few updates and the ability to tag my fucking pictures, yanno? Furthermore, there were the people i have internet relationships with, that I wanted to see in meatspace (those people will be their own topic, cause HAHAHAHAHAHA! It was AWESOME!), the faces in the crowd that I was sorta curious about, and those people I cared deeply for - but we'd been separated by time and space and really wanted to see again.

For a day or so leading up to the event, I considered what I would say about myself. I couldn't stop focusing on what I don't do - I don't get a paycheck, I don't have a cool job, I'm not hot anymore, I'm not driving a fancy car, my kids are wild, I didn't breastfeed long enough... on and on and on. Somewhere along the way, I started thinking about what I actually DO - I don't use chemical cleaners, I drive a hybrid car, I have purple (ish) hair, I wear Doc's and birks to the exclusion of all other shoes. I cook in cast iron, I am using bioremediation to reclaim my yard space. I am starting a business, and have plans to use locally sourced produce to cater. I encourage my kids to make decisions, I let them run like maniacs in the yard. I am a professional hippie.

I am happy.

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February 2016

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