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Like anyone with human emotions, I am reeling from the recent tragedy at Sandy Hook. The horror is too much for me to examine right now. I'm horrified at the vitriol and name calling in the gun debate, the lack of compassion for the families affected, and the horrifying new lows people have sunk to in the dialog surrounding this vile, vile deed.

I am amazed at the bravery of the teachers and grateful for every little life they saved. I will honor their memories by trying to be a better person. And I'm going to put a little extra in the teacher's holiday gift envelope this year and whenever I can afford it.

And that's as far as I can get before I start bawling.
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I buy our condoms at the porn shop. Last time there was a woman cashier, which made me happy.

My grocery budget is crazy small. Especially considering it feeds 5. I coupon, I make lots of things, and buy lots of stuff at Aldi.

Under the care of the fabulous Dr Nayak, Drew's bipolar disorder is under control. Not gone - but manageable. His last doctor turned him into a zombie, which was not fun for any of us. The ups and downs are more good surfing and less tsunami.

Drew is getting snipped Friday.

I don't know how people with 2 girls survived it. 3 is kicking my ass in a way that makes me intensely happy I had a boy first.

I love my mother.

I wish that New Orleans were a reasonable place to live with kids, but it still isn't. I am still homesick a lot.
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I'm off to vote for Gary Johnson and go to the science museum today. Gary wasn't my first choice, but in the face of 5%, I'm casting my lot with the libertarians this time - which may be the first time I haven't voted green since I turned 18.

I have a lot of feelings about the way ballot access is controlled in our country, and I have decided it will be my activism issue of choice. That and education for all. A quality education for all. Not just the few. Despite what the corproate masters want, education is a basic human right, IMO.

I can't believe I couldn't get any takers for Tellus today - but we're going anyway. Domiciling my museum membership in LA was one of my more brilliant ideas. Now I get all of the ATL stuff (Tellus, Fernbank, Imagine it and INK)

Well, breakfast isn't going to make itself.
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Xia, the plumber on this mornings episode of Curious George looks and sounds just like The Tumor.

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Seriously, the best part of having kids is being able to guide new humans in their worldview. It requires patience and sacrifice, costs a lot of money and the rewards are intangible (if boundless.)

So I amuse myself by teaching them things that skirt the border of appropriate, and sometimes, I like to sail right over the border like I'm Wil E. Coyote with a rocket booster.

For your amusement, here is a sampling of the things I've trained my children to say:

TREY: I posted about the Gregor Samsa trick, he knows the entirety of "Nightmare Before Christmas," pretty much by heart, and says "I CUT YOU, MANG!" to his food. We are currently working on "I pity the fool!"

SARAHJANE: When hungry, she says "Feed me Seymour. Feed me more!"

They both know the words (in so far as possible for us Americans) to Gangam Style, and dance cutely, if not precisely to it. And Trey stunned me yesterday by asking for The Oatmeal by name. Specifically, the mutherfuckin' pterodactyl.
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I've complained about Drew a lot lately. He's been challenging. It's part of the endless management of bi-polar disorder.

I resorted to a start chart, like the kind you use for little kids - and boy howdy was I bitter about that.

But it worked.

Seeing the direct results of helping me out get him what he wants has finally clicked. And also, getting the help I need to keep our life in order makes me more likely to give him what he wants. It's a pretty basic concept, but we just had to get there.

Drew cleaned the whole house the last time I was out with the kids, his clothes have been in the hamper, and once again we have happy Daddy fun time when he gets home from work (which is fab for me, since I can get the dinner clean up done, and then when the kids are finally asleep we can have time together that I don't spend stressing out over all the u done housework.

So, thanks Drew. I knew my awesome husband would come back to me - time for therapy to keep it that way. (we have VASTLY different communication styles, and could use some specific guidelines about meeting in the middle.)
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http://newsone.com/1936535/obama-dont-renege/

I saw a picture of this charming bumper sticker on FB a while ago, and I really believed that it was photo-shop bs, much like the fast food signs with opinions on Chick-Fil-a (I don't think I need to tell anyone who sees this what side of the debate I fall on.)

Today, at the gas station, I saw it. On a car. In meatspace. For real.

OMFG. OMFG. OMFG. OMFG. OMFG.

I didn't even know what to do. The actual shock of seeing this horrible thing, out in the world. I actually cried. I hid in the bathroom and cried. And then I had to talk to Trey about racism.

It isn't like I didn't plan on having these discussions with my kids. We talk about color and religion and culture. Thanks to Dora and the Olympics, I think Trey and SarahJane have seen the whole rainbow humanity has to offer. We've been talking about LBGT thanks to the Chick-Fil-a insanity. I was hoping not to have to explain the whole fucking array of hatred at the same time.

Seriously, I know that every place on earth has it problems. But I don't want to do this anymore. Andrew needs one more raise and he can get an expedited work visa, I've started researching in demand fields, average salaries, etc. I've got Rosetta stone on my side for Drew, and I am starting to teach the kids colors and numbers. If my student loans go to forbearance, I will return to school in a demand field. As soon as I can, I may try to finish at a foreign university - if they ever sell the fucking house in CT.

Until then, I'll just try to do better, I've got a lot of slack to pick up.
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it's 1.30 pm.

I have cleaned out 3 junk drawers, a random stuff corner and about 1/2 of the countertops.

I have laid another large swath of cardboard, but not covered it over with pine straw yet. Once I finish that I will have about 150ft2 of reclaimed land. (I'm smothering english ivy.) When I'm done with the whole thing, I'm going to lay black sheeting over the whole lot, and I will just roll it up with the pine straw in it and put it out.

I have cooked 2 meals.

Before the end of the day I will also sweep and mop and return my table and countertops to their new standard of emptiness. Also cook dinner and put the kids to bed.

Why am I so convinced that I don't do anything?
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I made this today:

1c warmish water
1/4 c vinegar
1 tsp or so of dr bronner's soap (lavender, fwiw)

And put it in a spray bottle.

That shit is magical. I've been putting of scrubbing the cabinets because the magic eraser started to eat my fucking paint. And it burns my fingers and I have to wear gloves. And I have to sit on the floor, and it's an awful process and I hate it.

But it was seriously to gross to ignore anymore.

So last night, I spent some time farting around on the Internet reading various cleaning solution recipes. I'd been putting off getting the Bronner's, as a quart is $10. My whole monthly household budget is embarrassingly low, considering it feeds and clothes 4.5 people. $10 for a questionable cleaning product will cost me something else I want. Target had travel size bottles, sadly no unscented, but at least there were some good choices. It was only $2.

I sprayed the magical elixir (which smells marvelous, the vinegar tones down the scent of the soap, and it wipes really clean) on my cabinets AND WATHCED THEM CLEAN THEMSELVES!

I can't say enough about it. Make this shit now. You will never SCRUB anything again.
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Ripley wants to kill all the booms.
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My little bag of sugar was born 5 years ago today, at 5 am. When I look t how tiny he was (I saved a preemie diaper) and look at him disobeying safety instructions now, I just could cry.

I love you, Trey. I'm lucky to have you.
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Airing tonight, June 10 @ 11:30pm Eastern Time, on Nickelodeon.

I think I'm going to watch it.
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http://kevan.org/jh/bealsabubbette

Click my link and give me some adjectives. I would have liked to see more flaws or quirks available - but still interesting.
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http://theoatmeal.com/pterodactyl_video

I don't have much in the way of commentary, except that watching him sing along was the cutest, wrongest thing evar.

I almost had an anyeurism when he taught it to SarahJane.

The sing along could make me famous. Like, fuck a lolcat, forget you dumb Charlie bit my finger kid - even that crazy laughing baby would be left in the dust. But I am not brave enough to post that video.
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We are home, safe and sound, and a little ragged around the edges. Trey did not get a transfusion, but he did spend 2 days on iv fluids. The surgeon thinks he would have been okay on just fluids by mouth if he hadn't bled, but he couldn't take in enough by mouth to cover the blood loss.

Children's hospital is top notch for child care, and does offer some amenities for parents, but it is painfully obvious that they spend 99% of their funds on child healing technologies. I'll be sending toys, clothes, magazines, books, etc to them from now on rather than goodwill. I would have killed for a clean shirt Friday morning. And when SarahJane was in for RSV, I would have fought another mom to the death for a baby swing.
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if Type And Crossmatch are not the scariest words in English, I don't know which are. I'm sure it's only precautionary, but still. I'm on Drew's phone.
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Trey read me a book today. SarahJane can count objects up to 12.

Holy shit. I also found him trying to teach SarahJane to read.
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I am sick and tired of being sick and fucking tired. Let's all hope the dr has something useful to say to me tomorrow.
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